Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
so basically

studying for finals, so I won't be able to post awhile

good news - i can post in summer since no school

being a thirteen year old sucks man

ok bye
My depression attacked me again....
It's my fault.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
The way people ignore me.
It's severe.
It makes me feel.
Not good enough.
I feel.
I do care.
I understand.
I understand.
If I didn't care
Why would I still love all the bullies after what they've done
Tell me
I just want one day, ONE FUCKING DAY.
Where I could be treated as equally like your other friends.
But of course I never will.
I'm not good enough for you.
I'm not worth your time.
Even you think that.
I'm annoying.
I'm such a waste of space.
I wear a mask.
But I'm dying inside,because I can't be myself.
I can't cry.
I can't speak.
My world had no color in it.
I don't want people to be stupid like I was.
I'm sorry...for all the pain I've caused...
Now....someone bring me a knife...
So I can stop being such a waste of space
And I can stop meddling into other's lives.
Being a shit to everyone.
To you.
Why can't people just listen...
They treat others different because they are
What does that say about them?
I'm sorry.
For everything.
I'll quit.
My art.
My life.
My dignity.
My purpose.
Can PEOPLE NOT. HATE. LGBTQ+ PEOPLE. God hates hate and discrimination. For those who are homophobic, biphobia, you're being vile. I'm a Christian. The Bible says, "God loves you all, no matter who you are. From the start of the day you were formed in mother's womb, you were given the right to love whoever you want." All people are equal. It isn't your God's will to hate other people for someone who is different and diverse. He would not want you to hate others just for different beliefs, would He? I'm not hating you, spreading hate, but this is a message to everyone who's homophobic and biphobic. There might be people in your school, who are lesbian, gay, trans, bi, pan, poly, etc. Just deal with it that people are those. People who think that those people are mentally sick, you're wrong. You're the one being mentally sick, thinking people should die, because of who they are. People, we live in a diverse community, and I don't want to live in a world where people scream their fucking organs out at people who are LGBTQ+ and hate them, setting a rival to take them down. How about we all change and accept everyone. >w<
Please know that I am NATIVELY Chinese and Japanese. 

I use my phone and tablet to switch languages from English -> Chinese -> Japanese.

Japanese Translation!

私はネイティブな中国語と日本語です。 私は、携帯電話とタブレットを使用して、英語 - >中国語 - >日本語の言語を切り替えます。

Chinese Translation! 

请知道我是中国人和日本人。 我使用手机和平板电脑切换英语 - >中文 - >日语。

People assume because I'm "yellow" meaning I'm a girl who got burned under the sun. No, that's just how my skin looks like. 

English is not my first language. However, I know English really good and I always wanted to learn French. 

See ya later! ^^
My full name - Olivia C. Zou

My sexuality - Bi

Am I a Christian - Yes, I am. I am purely Christian, and in the Bible, it said you can be Bi since Bi means you still love the opposite sex.

My age - 13 - 25.10.2005(lunar calendar)

Height - About 5'1

Girlfriend/Boyfriend - Shanti (owo)

Please do not ship me with - MeemeeBlox. I already have a girlfriend. The correct ships are in Flood Escapers are -

YeetyCxt - Yeetymon & OliviaCxt

MeemeeBuilder - AlanDBuilder & MeemeeBlox - FAKE SHIP(joke)

JoAkabane - Jojo & Karma Akabane - Joke Ship - Canon Character 

Race is - Chinese / Japanese (mom is 1/2 Japanese, Dad is 100% Chinese)

Hair - Mocha >w<

Mental illnesses? Yes. 

- Depression - I still have it. Fuck depression.

- BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder.

- Clubfoot - Got a surgery when I was a young child.


No. Tan. Pure. Asian. ^w^

Star butterfly?

Why the fuck is that a question-


miku is real 
I'm completely happy now! <3

Thank you to everyone out there, I love you all so much, make sure to have a great day/night! Miku Love [V1] 
Currently, I have: 92 Points 

I will be donating them to anyone who wants them!

Do NOT fight over them please (owo) I just got them from the fellow QuasiQuark he's the bank

I don't have a lot, so I might not donate a lot so yeah (owo)

I'm also starting a donation pool and hopefully, I get enough points to buy my friends a 3 Month Core Membership.

I really appreciate all your support! You have no idea how much this means to me <3 with all your support and your love given! <3Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (Huggy heart) [V6] 


Thank you to my amazing girlfriend Yeetymon for supporting me >w< I love you so so much Miku Love [V1] 

Thank you to the rest of my escapers - MeemeeBlox, AlanDBuilder, x-oJojo. You guys mean the world to me! Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (Double kawaii wink) V6 

Thank you to Rosebeani, DarkDash67, itzrare, Mik-i, Lucky-Fennec, TunetiaDA24  and snugglebxddies for helping me get through my depression(and now it doesn't really affect me anymore) thank you for lighting the way! Star Butterfly (gif animation) 

Thank you to Eric-ERG, ChloE-arthAnimates, TurtleSpinach1494  and elainexcupcake for comfort in the depression days >w< wouldn't have thought about it and changed without you guys <3 Sayori excited icon 

Thank you to KayApple-Chan123 for supportMonika normal icon and did know what I was going through, suffering from depression at the age of 15. 

Thank you to Emi(yes, I forgave her for everything) for helping me! Love you, my child ^w^ Lovely Shoujo (Heart for you) [V3] 

And most of all,

Thank you to all my watchers! I could NOT have been better without you and your loving support! Thank you for lighting the way! <3 [ Icon ] Hatsune Miku 

Remember this :LoveYourLimitations: 

Thank you for being so nice to me! <3

ILYSM Hatsune Miku-03 (Miku's Gift) 
You may be wonder, why is my name Vivi now?

Well, that because Vivi is my nickname from my birthname Olivia - also other nicknames such as Viv, Olive, Livvy, Liv
But this is the one I like the most :-)

I'm slowly getting better from depression
My silent screams go unnoticed,
My darkened dreams unchecked;
This emptiness is all consuming,
Will it steal away my breath?

Everything around turns to grey,
I'm not sure if I should resist;
As color slowly fades away,
This numbness only persists.

Silence can be so much louder
Than any spoken word;
So all these days will pass me by,
My thoughts still left unheard.

I thought my only option left
Was to end my precious life;
So I planned to step off of a ledge
Or make friends with a knife.

As I lay upon the blood-stained floor,
I wonder what I've done;
The devil looks in through my door
And steals another one.
Sometimes I wonder if you forgot me on purpose
I tell myself it's an accident
I know that's a lie...
Maybe all the things I did were for nothing
Maybe all I did was forgotten 
I'm probably not good enough for you
I'm sorry if you think I don't miss you
Everyday I think about you
Everyday I sink a little deeper
Wishing I could have gone with you
Wishing you could have stayed 
Everyday I wish I could help you more
Everyday I wish I wasn't forgotten
I'm probably bothering you every time that I say hello
I'm probably not even the person you miss
Maybe I could change things
Maybe I could make you feel loved again
I know you want to come back
I tell myself you miss me too, but I know it isn't true
Sometimes I wonder if I could ever forget you on accident....

Nobody knows how different I am
The outside of me is not afraid
Not full of pain, or even ashamed
I smile and all of those ignorant fools believe
Of course nothing could be wrong with me
My eyes are dry, I do not shed tears
For that gift was taken away from me dear
I laugh and talk and play along
Keep on existing as if nothings wrong

Nobody knows how different I am
The inside of me is hollow and empty
Do not fret my dear, for I do not want your pity
I'm tattered and broken beyond repair
My heart is crumbling and full of despair
I'm bloodied and beaten and not really living
I just go through the motions and continue existing
I'm scared and lost, clueless as can be
Is there no one out there to help me

Nobody knows how different I am
And that will never change

inside I'm crying
outside I'm smiling
no one notices
but its hard for me to control this
when you see me walk by
it doesn't look like it but I want to die
thoughts racing through my head
then comes the tears that I shed
how can I change
all the tears and rage
you say you understand
and all I need is a helping hand
that may be true
but first take a walk in my shoes
sadness, angers, and unbearable pain
you'll be taking a walk full of nothing but shame
as time moves slower
my self-esteem gets lower
am I nothing to this world
or am I just a worthless teenage girl?

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't make a big scene
Don't let anyone think something's wrong
Remember not to be mean

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't drown anyone in your sorrow
You only have to live through today
You can kill yourself tomorrow

Cry quietly in a corner
Shield yourself from the world
For all they know you just like to cause trouble
Just a bratty little girl

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't let them see your pain
What's the most that they can do, help?
But what from that can you gain?

Cry quietly in a corner
They'll never know what's wrong
When you try to tell he says
"Those damn emo songs"

Cry quietly in a corner
Like the whiner they think you are
Like they care about the reason
Your wrist looks like it has bars

Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.

or, enter your birth date.*



Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.

I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
you look at me, and think I'm insane,
my eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars then you will see, 
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far to hard,
everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry,
I'll be fine, and happy you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.

She took a deep breath,
She counted to three,
A picture in her head, 
Of who they wanted me to be.

They wanted her to be normal,
Happy and kind.
They never thought,
That this girl would be blind.

Not blind by the meaning,
But blind in the heart.
Blinded by darkness,
Blinded by dark.

She walks around lifeless,
Her heart beating but dead. 
A walking corpse
She is lost inside her head.

Things have no meaning, 
At least not anymore.
She was not how she was,
How she was once before.

She is one of the living
But one of the dead.
A part of her is missing.
She hangs on by a thread.

She hung her head low,
Took one final bow.
She stepped off the edge
Saying one final vow.

"I will not change who I am.
As hard as any of you try,
This is me giving up,
This is one last goodbye."

You don't understand,
you never do.
I try to explain,
but I can't get through to you.

I tell you the truth
that I feel so depressed,
but you say I'm okay.
I thought you would know best.

So I sit in my room,
locked in my personal hell,
while you pretend it's all good
and I do as well.

But I'm not okay,
and my friends know that, too,
but you can't seem to see
what is right in front of you.

You say it's a phase,
blame my friends for it all,
but you don't understand
that this is not their fault.

I can't live like this.
I can't live this life,
and as much as I tried,
I can't end it with a knife.

I know you've been through this,
that you ached so much more,
but I can't help but wonder
don't you know me at all!?

I thought you would get it,
why I'm acting this way,
but you don't listen
to what I have to say.

You just ignore me,
pretend I'm alright.
I want this to end.
I feel like I might...

but I'm not as strong
as I'd like to be,
so I'll act all normal
while I wait patiently

for my time to come
and I hope that it's soon.
My friends understand;
I wish you could, too.

But you don't understand,
and I know it's not fair,
but sometimes I feel
like you don't even care.

I feel all alone,
but I know that's not true.
I have all my friends,
but I wish I had you.

I know with my friends
I'll make it through this,
even though it feels like
my life's falling to bits.

You don't understand.
You never do,
but I hope with their help
I can make it through.

I'm great, fine, spectacular. In a way
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.

Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task, 
is finally over, and so I lie down
and wait patiently for the day that I die.

I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more, 
And I ache and burn from my very core.

Then I'm not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.

Of course I'm not okay, I'm not fine,
no matter how much I seem to shine.
I don't even know why I feel this...
why my existence is one long, endless abyss.

But it is and will be, so I cling to life,
as one day I might slip and end it with a knife.
But I'm still here, no matter what my dreams might say,
and I hope that one day I will actually be okay.

If I showed my true colors, what would society think?
Would they laugh, show pity, or read the ink?

I'm exhausted from smiling every single day
When I know the pain won't just go away.

Every night I cannot sleep 
Because my thoughts run so deep.

They went out for a stroll 
But got sucked into a black hole.

My focus is no longer there, anywhere. 
I don't know why I'm like this, I swear.

It seems like I'm just well-dressed.
That just means how much I'm stressed.

My friends all laugh and hang around. 
You don't need water to be drowned.

This darkness beneath consumes my mind.
It's like I'm living my life blind. 

On the outside I'm holding it together,
But it's as unpredictable as the weather.

"How are you?" "I'm fine."
But the truth lies between the lines.

It's like being on Mars and trying to breathe air.
When they talk about the future, I don't really care.

You say to suck it up and to be strong,
But little do you know what exactly is wrong.

My life is forever altered because of this. 
That cheerful 5 year old is who I miss.

This is war; you either win or die trying.
You speak the truth or continue lying.

The changes were all so very subtle; I don't blame you for not seeing, 
But what you don't understand is that I'm a human being.

The truth is you wouldn't last if this was in your brain, 
But I've found a way to numb the pain. 

I have to fight my mind every single second, 
But that's only because this thing had beckoned.

I wouldn't ever choose to feel this way; these were the cards I was dealt.
My only wish is that more people would understand how we felt.

Sometimes a glimpse of wonder wanders on over, 
But it's as rare as finding a four leaf clover. 

Monsters don't live under our beds. 
They scream inside of our heads.

Still I live with hope that one day I will win. 
I will defeat the monster that's under my skin.